Hunter V. Hikers: a monologue overheard at the deer camp fire pit
by A R Hunter
All year, we wait for these few weeks of modern gun. We’ve laid bait, set mineral licks, packed tags, maintained stands and blinds, and readied rifles. First day of deer season, we’re out before dawn, our breath an icy cloud, glasses fogging, in the holy stillness of nature where we are closest to God grateful to do our duty and help balance the deer population. The truly blessed share that silent reverence with a son or daughter or spouse. Then along bumbles some hippy dippy hiker who has the nerve to look up from their trail app and smile like we’re united in cosmic oneness. Like they haven’t scared off every four-legged mammal within a mile for the rest of the day!
If you see orange, turn around. It’s as simple as that. Definitely don’t ask me for directions because your GPS is glitching. Better yet, leave the woods to us until after Thanksgiving weekend. The woods are our church. Hikers are like tourists coming through to check out the stained glass windows or the choir that went viral. They think they’re on some grand adventure when this has been my spot for fifteen years. I know every bluff and creek bed. I know this dogwood next to that hickory as a landmark, and I don’t need a compass to find my way, much less a cell phone. Those sightseers come in their PETA t-shirts because they want to snap a picture of the leaves changing.
I have watched the leaves change. I’ve watched them drop. I’ve tracked that eight point since he was a spike. I tell you there are some that might see that day tripper pass their stand, scaring away their buck, and they might think, hey, accidents happen. Young hunters can be particularly trigger-happy. I’d aim above their head, if I went for my gun at all, but they’d probably need a new pair of pants. You don’t come between a hunter and their prey. That’s just not right.
Author’s note: This is a satirized version of a conversation I did, in fact, overhear at a deer camp fire pit. Hunters and hikers share so many of the same values. Hunters are staunch guardians of our wild spaces with resources that make a lasting, positive impact. ~Lavon Cyr
For some serious advice on how to hike safely during hunting season, I enjoyed this article by Tara Shatz
