Press (and hold) Pause to Make Real Progress

Lavon/ February 6, 2021/ Wellness/ 1 comments

Pressing pause feels unnatural. To step back from our constant forward plunge, we need permission (a vacation, parental leave). Even for planned and pleasant pauses, over 50% of Americans who have the benefit don’t take all the paid leave our jobs provide. And we maintain our work umbilical cord via our phones and laptops. Going off the grid is so radical we proclaim it like a call to revolution. Inertia carries us forward as if a change in velocity or trajectory would end us. 

Refusing to Yield

Some say it’s arrogance that makes us this way. Some of us believe that our work, done by us alone, is so indispensable that we cannot step back. Stillness, relaxation, slowing down are all tempos I think of fondly, wistfully when I’m in a stress bubble. But, the thrill of executing an impossible project on an insane schedule? I’m not alone in seeking that high. Others blame the pressures of capitalism for our incessant drive- if I don’t do it, 10 people are waiting to take my spot. I think each of us has a different why. Maybe, we don’t need to analyze the why; we just need to find a better way. 

The pandemic slowed me down and imposed a change of direction many, many times. I don’t live in an area where lock-downs were mandatory. Staying home was a strong suggestion. Each time my family was asked to quarantine due to exposure to someone who’d tested positive for COVID-19, we complied out of our duty to others. My daughter went into a full-resistance panic. She had so many plans, so much to accomplish! Seeing her suffer anxiety, of course I told her it’s ok to take a long step back. And as I was speaking the truth, I sought the silver lining for myself. 

Making Progress at a Full Stop

Long pauses push my creativity. When staving off the temptation to sink into an entertainment coma, I gain a flood of writing topics, solutions to nagging problems, inspiration for contributing in more meaningful ways to causes that matter to me. Exiting my comfort zone expands my perspective; the unfamiliarity of where I am or how I’m living in a long pause allows me a clearer view of human nature and its beauty.

Long pauses allow my true feelings about the normal flow of my life to emerge from the stream of doing. If I feel a surge of relief at having a solid excuse to cancel something, then why am I doing that thing at all? The activities that truly matter rise to the surface because those are the ones I’m finding a way to continue or looking most forward to resuming ASAP. For me, all of these have something to do with being active outdoors and connecting with my favorite people. Again, I’m not alone in seeking that high. 

Imposed long pauses force me to sit with my grumpiness, disappointment, sadness, and frustration. Like illness or aging, disaster confronts me with my limitations. Not just bringing me down a notch, this humbling grows my empathy, increases my compassion, and triggers vulnerability. That last state flares my starkest fears. I love helping others, but receiving help? Letting someone go to the store for me because I can’t? Telling someone I need the support that I’m used to giving others? My knee-jerk reaction is to go without rather than rely on someone else. Unconsciously, I’d rather deny another person that inner glow gained from giving support than to accept aid for myself. That’s the ugly truth that calls for a change.

The long pause offers us a chance to become more wise, not merely to age. It makes us more resilient, more adept at adapting. I think back to March 2020, when I was putting off cancelling my summer trip overseas in the hope that the experts were wrong (were you that ridiculous, too?),  and I know that if life for me had only had to change for a season, I wouldn’t have gained the insights that have improved my judgment. While a short pause can help us respond rather than react, a truly long pause, a reset, is a gift if we open and use it instead of batting it away.

I try to make a habit of regularly unplugging, going for a weekend or longer where there is no cell service or internet, and I take a break from projects that have gotten stale. I think we’d all benefit from a long pause, but what do I know? How do you reset? What have you gained from slowing down?